We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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