Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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