Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
