I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
