No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
