Someone shit on the floor
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
