How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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