i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
