I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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