So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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