I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
