No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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