Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
