I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
