Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
