I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
