so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
