No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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