he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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