you didnt know i had herpes?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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