Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
