my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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