I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
