I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
