I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
