They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Found your dick twin last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
