I bet he comes in French.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
