I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
