That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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