do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my poor anus
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
