It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
