the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
