i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
