I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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