Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
