She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
