i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
