...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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