yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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