Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm both gender and math confused
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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