I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
