Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
