I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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