You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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