Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
