Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
