He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
