I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
