I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
