I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
