My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
