Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
